Can it really be July already?

I had to write a check today at Farm 'n Fleet (went in for tomato cages, came out with shorts for Dave & the boys, a tank top, fungicide (for the plants, not me!), sandals, Sevin powder to get rid of the invasion of cabbage worms on my broccoli, dome lids and freezer boxes, and 8 bags of cedar mulch. No tomato cages--they were sold out of the big ones I wanted for my rambling indeterminates. Gaack!

Anyway, I think I glazed over for a minute when I wrote the check. Could June possibly be over already? Where has the summer GONE? I should be applying to schools, applying for jobs, making plans, setting goals. . .being much more motivated than I've been feeling, at any rate. I think that being turned down for the masters program in library science set me back a bit more than I realized. I feel a little hesitant to put myself out there again. I know I don't take criticism or rejection well at all, and tend to avoid it as much as I avoid confrontation. But at the same time, I am a planner by nature, and like to have a nice, neat road map of my life, and this period of limbo is anxiety-provoking. Kind of a catch-22.

I still feel like I have a few doubts about what I really want to do when I grow up, which is part of my reluctance to commit to a program of study in early childhood education. I DO love teaching, and I love preschoolers. But do I love it enough to do it long term? Will I go through 2-3 years of school, work for a while, and wish I'd done something different? Will I feel like I'm getting out of touch, as my own kids move further and further away from the preschool age themselves?

I think I need to commit myself to really praying about this, and making a firm decision. I don't want to be wishy-washy and indecisive. I want to know for sure what it is I want to do, and then do it 100% with no regrets.

Gardens are much easier than real life. If a plant doesn't thrive, you pull it and try something different, and usually no great expense has been wasted. Maybe I should go into horticulture. . .